???
The other night (Friday, September 16th, to be exact), I told my parents I would go on to bed after checking my e-mail. And I did. Sort of. After I finished checking my e-mail, I did some blogging, and some other general surfing, and then it happened.
Some link I must haved clicked on, somewhere, brought me to a page with some pretty crude images. The pictures that were sitting before my very eyes were most definitely not pictures I would want to be caught looking at. However, these pictures led to my fall.
I'm not so sure if it was because I had finally put a long, bad week behind me, or if it was because it was about 11:30 at night, or what, but I didn't stop with those images. I initiated a search and in about 10 seconds, I suddenly had the full complement of google.com's photo inventory at my disposal.
The whole time, I knew I should stop. The whole time, I was scared I couldn't. Somehow, through the grace of God, I did. I then quickly proceeded to burn my bridges, and build a wall between my crimes and myself. I went to bed, grosssly embarassed and ashamed. I didn't have peace. Somehow, through God freeing me from the internet, he bound me to an oath. I had to tell my dad.
I just knew that God wanted me to not only confess my sins to Him, but to my earthly/biological father as well. That was just about the hardest thing I have ever done. All day Saturday I was miserable, because I had not told my father yet, and God withheld the feeling of comfort and satisfaction that comes with a good day. But after I told my dad, it took all I had to not enjoy the day.
However, I have some more important issues. I have been "hearing," for lack of a better phrase, voices in my head. I guess I should say "a voice" instead of "voices" because it's the same singular voice everytime. But, after two days of hearing this voice inside my head, I am almost convinced that it is God, trying to communicate with me. When I have needs, and I offer them to God in a short, quiet prayer, I almost instantly feel as if some person inside me gives me some sort of answer. And the answer is ALWAYS right. I successfully predicted exactly how I would play Sunday afternoon/evening all because of what this voice in my head said to me. I had an absolutely horrible day yesterday because I tried to block out the voice. Am I going crazy? I know this probably sounds weird, but imagine how I feel hearing this voice. I am having a hard, hard time shaking the fact that I think I am hearing the direct Spoken Word of God through the Holy Spirit. Somebody help me here. This is freaking me out.
Some link I must haved clicked on, somewhere, brought me to a page with some pretty crude images. The pictures that were sitting before my very eyes were most definitely not pictures I would want to be caught looking at. However, these pictures led to my fall.
I'm not so sure if it was because I had finally put a long, bad week behind me, or if it was because it was about 11:30 at night, or what, but I didn't stop with those images. I initiated a search and in about 10 seconds, I suddenly had the full complement of google.com's photo inventory at my disposal.
The whole time, I knew I should stop. The whole time, I was scared I couldn't. Somehow, through the grace of God, I did. I then quickly proceeded to burn my bridges, and build a wall between my crimes and myself. I went to bed, grosssly embarassed and ashamed. I didn't have peace. Somehow, through God freeing me from the internet, he bound me to an oath. I had to tell my dad.
I just knew that God wanted me to not only confess my sins to Him, but to my earthly/biological father as well. That was just about the hardest thing I have ever done. All day Saturday I was miserable, because I had not told my father yet, and God withheld the feeling of comfort and satisfaction that comes with a good day. But after I told my dad, it took all I had to not enjoy the day.
However, I have some more important issues. I have been "hearing," for lack of a better phrase, voices in my head. I guess I should say "a voice" instead of "voices" because it's the same singular voice everytime. But, after two days of hearing this voice inside my head, I am almost convinced that it is God, trying to communicate with me. When I have needs, and I offer them to God in a short, quiet prayer, I almost instantly feel as if some person inside me gives me some sort of answer. And the answer is ALWAYS right. I successfully predicted exactly how I would play Sunday afternoon/evening all because of what this voice in my head said to me. I had an absolutely horrible day yesterday because I tried to block out the voice. Am I going crazy? I know this probably sounds weird, but imagine how I feel hearing this voice. I am having a hard, hard time shaking the fact that I think I am hearing the direct Spoken Word of God through the Holy Spirit. Somebody help me here. This is freaking me out.
posted by geoff payne at 7:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home