1st Corinthians 13

"There are three things that will endure-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love."
1st Corinthians 13:13

I've lost my faith, I just gave up on hope, I pray to You Oh God that I will not lose my love.
I'm struggling.

Be A Sader

Dr. Dollar yelled at his congregation this morning. He told them he was angry with some of the happenings in the world-poverty, hunger, disease. He was teaching about prosperity and decided to inform them on the nature of anger. Anger, according to Creflo, is neither good nor bad. It is how you react to anger that determines the charge of the emotion- positive or negative. I rather liked this sermon.
Things are starting to settle back to normality again. My mother and I are already arguing again, I am uncomfortable with how my LITTLE sister is dressing herself, I have started to think again, and I'm hungry. That's pretty much the average flow of events for me.
This weekend was grueling. Not really, I just like that word. It was tough. I was not as prepared for what I found as I thought I was. That's probably a little confusing. I was easily thrown off by my weekend because I wasn't ready for it. I thought I was ready to get serious about visiting colleges, but I wasn't. I was trying to conquer the world when I still couldn't vote. I could say that I am just ambitious, but ambition isn't obnoxious. I was.
I got a good dose of what Mary Hardin-Baylor will be like. I also got to be around some Abilene people. I felt very comfortable seeing the faces of some familiar names. I wish my decision could be an easier one. I didn't have that calm sense of "this is it" when I was at Mary Hardin-Baylor. When I was at Hardin Simmons I felt like I was walking around in somebody else's shoes.
My concluding thoughts from the whole weekend are these:
1) Harry Potter 4 was not worth it
2) I don't really feel like being a Sader that much anymore
3) I really wish KLTY would stop the Christmas music
4) I have sadness in my heart and I have no idea where it came from
Untill next time

Good Morning and Hello

I had a pretty different night last night. I learned an awful lot about my faith and spirituality last night. Thanks to all the stuff that I already knew about my faith and spirituality, combined with the things I learned last night, I'm trying to formulate a plan of some sort. This process is confusing and stressful, but that's pretty much the summary of my life at the moment, so what else is knew.
My faith and spirituality is the direct leader of my life. It is what guides and directs me in all that I do. I think that's a good thing, the only problem is what I'm allowing to direct and guide my spirituality. Is it emotions? Is it intuition? Is it pride? Fear? Rationality? Balance?
I need to discipline myself more and better so I can achieve more and better. That's my plan.
Sweet.

Burn For You

So I realized just now that I'm about as far removed from my culture as I can get. That's not good.
I watched "The Batman" yesterday on Kid's WB in the afternoon and I felt it was a pretty inspirational story. Batman was infected with some sort of venom that caused him to behave with Joker's mannerisms. Not good considering he's the Dark Night, and Joker is very evil. Well, our Caped Crusader eventually had enough self-control and discipline to fight the infection and he forced himself to combat Joker and Penguin. In the end, he was sprawled up against a wall in an alley somewhere mixing the venom witht the anitdote so he could come back to be the real Batman we all know and love. He did this while laughing his head off and holding himself down from convulsing with giddy squeals (he was behaving like the Joker).
So, our hero was able to fight back from an infection that overtook his better judgement by having enough self-control and discipline to do what he knew was right, even though he didn't feel physically capable of doing so. And he beat Joker and Penguin.
My point is that I wish I could do that. I don't think I can get much further removed from where I need to be right now. I really need to start forcing myself to do the right thing even when I don't feel like it.
In other news, I'm going to break a perfectly innocent and underserving heart tomorrow, so wish me luck!

Dear Diary

I have decided that journaling my thoughts down in my paper journal is a form of 'recreation,' by Kevin's definition. I believe this because when I journal my thoughts down I feel strenghtened. When I write my thoughts on paper, I feel as if whatever life is in me, is given a little extra boost and encouragement. I haven't journaled in three or four days, so I need to. I think this might be related to my mundane days lately.
My friend Hugh Pham has decided to "gather (his) rosebuds, while (he) may," today. I'm excited. The balance of my life is about shift, finally. Give him a small prayer when you're done reading.
Highs and Lows are tomorrow and I think this might be another shift in the balance. I certainly am hoping so. I need it. Give me a small prayer when you're done reading.

geoff