Bifurcation

I am pretty sure I spelled bifurcation right. If I remember it from "Every Young Man's Battle" correctly, it's the process of splitting something in two.
I furthered the split of my personalities and my life yesterday. My first strike at doing this was creating this blog where I can jot my ideas down and post them for greater minds to see. I decided this at camp, and then later decided that "The Gap" was all too fitting for me. My initials are G-A-P, Geoffrey Adam Payne, and I am in between being a youth and a minister, so if you were to write down "youth minister" on paper, my presence would be in the "gap" between the two words, thus "I Am The Gap." Ta da!
Anyway, this blog has been good for me, but I constantly keep my Xanga well maintained and updated so I can still interact with people my own age. I come here for my deep thoughts, I go to Xanga for fellowship with friends. Now, I have taken that separation a step further.
I have a gmail account. I'm going to use that email address as a much more serious email, and where I do a lot of my own personal stuff like for college and stuff. I have a dinky old email address at Hotmail, but it's just kid stuff. I'll keep the Hotmail one open for crap and spam and stuff, and I'll do the real organization of my life through gmail, and stuff.
I had a thought last night. Are sin and life opposites? If you think about it, death and birth are opposites (both are the beginning and the end of two different processes), so would life and sin be opposites? Jesus represents and brings life, Satan represents and brings sin, could they be opposites?
I came to that thought last night. I want to know.

Thank You

You know the words in the old hymnal song that say "Streams of mercy, never ceasing, tune my heart to loudest praise?" I want to change that to say "Tears of joy, ever flowing join my heart in eternal praise." I love my God, and He has picked me up from the lowest of lows.

Thank you Hunter Petijohn, for being such a good friend. Thank you Kim Mathis, for strengthening the relationship when I was too weak. Thank you Kaitlin Williams, for being responsive to God's word. Thank you to the faithful family in Christ who never ceases to pray for me. Thank you.

Hello

My ex-girlfriend Stephanie called me today. She and I talked for about 35 minutes, and in all honesty, we could have kept on talking just like we used to when we were together. That's one of the most incredible things about us, we can talk. I stopped talking to her today only because my mother was intimidating me with her glances and gestures to get off the phone, but I sure didn't want to stop. That whole experience is kind of interesting. Because of her, I have some deep emotional scars that still hurt a little even today, almost six months later, but I know I will always be able to relate to her in any way.
Yesterday in church, my pastor made some comment about the "cutting edge of worship." I have adopted the definition of "human response to divine initiative" as my own for worship, and I pretty much believe this to be true. But the "cutting edge of worship?" I don't think so. I'm not entirely sure what my pastor was exactly trying to communicate to the congregation (I wasn't paying that close of attention), but I don't think there can ever be a "cutting edge" for something like worship.
According to my definition or worship, up above, and my definition for "cutting edge", the contemporary closest most advanced form, the two can't really be considered in the same breath. I don't think one human's response is always going to be closer and more advanced than another. No two humans are exactly alike, so no two humans should be expected to worship in excatly the same form. I think what works for one Christian in worship, might not always work for another. In this light, worship is sort of an indefinite artistic expression designed for God's pleasure. It can be observed and expressed in many different ways, but has one main goal.

Well, this is what I think, at least. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But this is what I think.

Uh-oh

Things are about to get hectic in the life of me.
I have very good reasons to believe that I need to start praying for clarity, discipline, self-control, and honesty very soon, if not already. I have a pretty good idea of what the troubles are that I might be facing very soon. To be honest, I am a little worried.

Please pray for me.

Can you hear Him now? Good.

I just had a major thought. I am not sure where this thought came from exactly, but I like the idea of where it could go/is going.
It started about a few months ago in a meeting with the Monks. My Cell phone Trinity theory. The theory that the Trinity of God is like a cell phone. Father, God, Holy Spirit-Anntenae, Reciever, Speaker.
I like it. I also think there's a lot more thinking to be done before this is over. I guess I'll refer to it now as my dream. Because, I sort of envisioned most of this like I would a dream.
My dream is that this theory could be turned around and taught to other Christians who are having trouble with either
A) Understanding the Trinity of God, or
B) Christians who are having trouble recognizing the Word of God whether it be spoken or written
My dream isn't over yet, and when it is, I'm not sure where it'll be, but I like where it is taking me.

Sweet 16

I've taken to journaling over the past few weeks. I write down random thoughts and stressors or other things that I have on my mind at the time. It's a pretty nice way of expressing my thoughts and feelings the way I need to. On Xanga, I can't give out specific details or names about things for fear of stirring up petty high school drama. I'm not going to bring my immature whiney thoughts out here on this blog, because it's not the place for those thoughts.
So, I write them down. It has been working marvelously and I think I'm not going to slow down too much. The other night I wrote in it my nightly prayer for people. I'm not sure which adverb or adjective I need right here, but the whole experience was really schway. It had some sort of effect on me to where I became consciously aware of how deeply I cared for the people I was praying for. Last night I wrote in it about a girl at school who is distracting me from everything I am striving for. It really helped me because I was able to see in writing what my problem is, and how to avoid it. I guess if you're not visual then it wouldn't be of any use for you, but it helped me. It also made me laugh to realize how simply human I am, and how I am just so dumb sometimes.
I also had another thought. I think Jesus' death was more or less for the redemption of creation, and not just humans. True it is that plants and air and the sense of smell probably won't go in to heaven with us, but just the same I believe God loves His creation more than we realize. I think that it's a bit much for us to assume that we are the only reason Jesus came. Sin brings death, Jesus brings life.

From the driver's seat

I am fairly sure most people know of the line in "Chariot's of Fire" when the guy says "When I run, I feel God's pleasure." What I want to know is this: is it possible to feel God's pain?
My logic is that if God allows us to feel His pleasure and joy and happiness when we do things that please Him, shouldn't he allow us to feel His pain and sadness when things happen that don't please us? If God is as we assume He is, He would love nothing more than to make more of Himself known to us for multiple reasons.
1) So we can experience better communion with Him,
2) So we can understand Him better, and love Him more,
3) So He can give us a glimpse of how things Should be.
All throughout history, there are accounst of God revealing Himself in some sort of way so that Christians can understand Him better. By this happening, one of two effects usually takes place. Either A) we are capable of a higher, more concentrated style and form of communion with God, which brings Him pleasure; or B) we gain insight to who God is beyond what we've already known, and thus come to love Hime so much more, based on the virtue that we know Him so much more.
Maybe I'm way out there, maybe I'm dead on. I have felt pain and sadness and anger and frustration before when I have had little reason to feel them, especially to the extent at which I felt them. Furthermore, I have been aware that things that I have been praying for, and certain other forces in my life have suddenly stopped, and it honestly feels like God is unhappy because things aren't going the specific, structured way they should. And lastly, I have had sad or painful emotions before when I have done things wrong, just as I have felt God's pleasure when I have done something right.
My point, I think in an effort and attempt to be with us more, God also reveals more of Himself to us so that we can better, and more efficiently and correctly know of and believe in His presence, and to bring us to a higher level of communion with Him so He can show us more of Himself.

NEXT!

So, I have already decided to botch that last theory. I think it can work, but not today. In order for something that different to take place, we would need a massive cultural shift....Kind of like the one I thought about a few blogs back....
Anyway, my point is that while I think it is a creative alternative to what we have now, the culture we have now could never support it. I'm not going to give up on that theory because I firmly believe that education with those modifications will begin to happen in my lifetime, but I don't see that as the ultimate point in education. It might happen in a few years or so, say 150-200, but that's assuming we're all still here. But I think in about 150-200 years America might not be the same good ol' U. S. of A.
My next topic to tackle is human intellectualism. I think that the Age of Enlightenment is happening again, but with a more narrow scope. I think that since individuals are now starting to except things as truth for themselves we shall begin to see new perspectives on everything. I also believe that as more and more people start thinking and learning on their own, new depths to human possibilities shall emerge.
Of course, if my interests are taking a turn towards thought and the ability to think, I could very well be studying myself in almost any capacity as I do love to think. However, I want to study thought and the ability to think on a broader scale, and apply my findings to a limitless number of people. I think we humans are just now beginning to scratch the suface of our intellectual potential. It will be interesting to see.

Learning vs. Teaching

I don't really want to go to seminary right now. That fits in with my theory. Here it is. I don't like teaching, I like learning. Now I know in today's society those are confused as the same process. They're not. Teaching is directly passing on knowledge from one, to another. Learning is the acquiring of knowledge from one to another. This relates to mastery and apprenticeship. In the Middle Ages, masters of certain trades or skills posessed complete knowledge and expert power over that trade. They passed on the trade to their apprentices who worked with them, and learned by way of the master. A good example is in Star Wars, Jedi Masters would take on apprentices, and those apprentices would learn the way of the force by being in the presence of, watching, listening, and occasionally being taught by the master. They picked it up, all on their own, and learned it from the masters. If they survived being with the master, then one day they would be the master. That's why in Star Wars, the line "Always two, there is. A master, and an apprentice." Is so amazing. That shows, in my opinion, the true meaning of education and the process of passing on knowledge. In the ripe old age of modernism, we have allowed learning to become standardized to the point of teaching. I honestly think that the world could benefit from the tradition of mastery, apprentice. That's how I think school should work, and that's how I think education should be. Learning is teaching yourself. And honestly, think about the things you taught yourself. You know them and believe in them a lot more firmly than the things your teachers throw at you everyday, don't you? That's because learning works, teaching works only so far. So, to make my point about seminary, I don't want to go to seminary because a bunch of older, more experienced men, can't teach me exactly how to do something better than somebody who does it on a regular basis. I would just as happy to do ministry based on the things I've learned from my youth ministers, the things I've taught myself, the things I’ve learned from life, and the things that I will learn instead of going to school and having somebody tell me how to do it. Of course, this is how I feel right now. This all might change in a few years, it might change overnight. Who knows.
Now, please, don't get me wrong. I think this works about as far as we allow it to work, but I also think that for today, the normal educational process is the most efficient way to pass on knowledge. I don't ardently believe in all of what I said, it's my theory on how it could be done. I think, in a few years, the afore menitoned process could work. Not right now, but it could work. For now, though, I'm going to go through the normal processes of learning. I still believe, though, in learning over teaching.

It's been a while....

I swear everytime I get on the internet, I always get some sort of message that I've won an X-BOX 360, or an iPod Nano, or a Black RAZR, or something wicked sweet. It's so amazing. I always win the coolest stuff.

I talked with my dad about post-modernism once, and he pretty much turned me off from it. He disagreed with post-modernism because he said they were anti-foundationalist reformers, and that way of thinking can't support any sytem of beliefs. He didn't understand how they could have a system of doctrines or practices if they were anti-foundationalists, because that spirit would declare the Bible, to not be a foundation. If you don't have the Bible, what can you base your beliefs on? Good question, but I think he sort of missed the point.
Yesterday I had an eye-opening experience with a rather nice chap. Just by talking to him, I realized that I am, to some degree, post-modern, as defined by my father. I realized I really don't have much approval of organizedf religion, because it equates in my mind to organized hypocrisy. I also came to the thought that Christians shouldn't standardize Christianity through religion. I haven't read the whole Bible, but I'm pretty sure God didn't say, "Go forth and practice the religion of Christianity." I think we, Christians, should practice the doctrines given to us by the early church. I don't know what they are, the doctrines, but I want to know. I believe that since the early church was created through Jesus' disciples, and inspired by the teachings of Jesus that came directly from God, we have a more accurate view of how church should be.
I know all this rant seems pretty crude and unrefined in lightof some more well educated theologians, or philosophers, but this is my heart. I genuinely believe the human society of this planet is about to engage in a massive cultural shift. It will happen. No doubt.